He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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