He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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