so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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