I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
