I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
