My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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