You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
