She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
