im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
