Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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