You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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