I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
