her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
