if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
