i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
