Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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