if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
