We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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