so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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