Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
