I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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