I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
