i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
