yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
