dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He better not be in your backpack
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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