Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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