Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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