Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I only lived at night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
