i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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