There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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