You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
