Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
