His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
