dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
