So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
