What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize