in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
