I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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