I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
