the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
