I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
