im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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