I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
