I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
