If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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