can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
