i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
