i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
