I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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