I feel great
I just peed on a car
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
