woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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