How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize