she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
