he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
