weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
