Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
