you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would ride that face into the sunset
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize