yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize