I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize