HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
