Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
