hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
