I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Swine flu. Run for my life!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
