Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sober January is a disaster.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
