Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
