sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Still dying that you shit outside
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
