i jhust puked up my retainher.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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