can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
