Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
