SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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