Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
