During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
